| My life has changed dramatically in the past 4 days. He gave me the option to leave and I left. It's the biggest thing that I regret. I loved him so much, but I could not take the fighting anymore. We just fought over stupid shit, that people really shouldn't fight over. I was stubborn most of the time, as well as he. I was sick of getting hurt. I didn't know what else to do. I left thinking it was really over and it was for the best, and then I came to the realization that I need him. I need him more than anything right now. He is my bestfriend, and the love of my life. I love him more than anything in the world. I know that I didn't show it well, but it doesn't mean that I didn't feel it. He is right, we do want totally different things in life, but that doesn't mean that I don't need him. As of right now he just wants to be friends, and that kills me to the point of, I don't think I can do it, because I know I want something more. Do you realize how ackward it will be just hang out with him. I don't think I can just hangout with him. He told me that he needs space for a while, to beable to think, and get over me. He said he doesn't want to, but he has to, and he will never love anyone as much as he loves me, and the only reason why he wants to be my bestfriend still is because he loves me more than anything. But we can't put our lives on hold anymore. He told me that he didn't want to get to attached because he is affraid that if I happen to find someone else he doesn't want to be upset because he will feel like I am his.That's the exact same situation I have with him. I want him to be mine, and just mine. Update So on the way home from school tonight, I don't know what came over me, but for some reason I bald my eyes out. I love him so much. I just miss him so much. It sounds selfish, but what am I going to do in the summer without him, who am I going to go swimming with? Who am I going to have for Valentine's Day? I Just don't understand. Sometimes I sit here and wonder how down he is, and if he crys over me, and if he gets upset when he see's something that reminds him of me. I just wish that everything could be different. I wish I could turn back time. I wish I didn't walk out. I wish we were happy. I wish he could see how much this really does hurt me. I wish.......... |
